Wanderlust

A week into the new year. That was fast wasn't it? So far, everything is going pretty well. I haven't exactly been doing much but I've been writing a lot and that's a good thing. I'm using my last week of holiday catching up on some reading. I still haven't finished Eleanor & Park which I started in November last year. Sad, isn't it? Anyway, on New Year's Eve, I was with a couple of my friends and the three of us went for coffee at 1.30 a.m. and as usual, all we did was talk. It was nice, talking about life with two of your closest companions. We talked about the past, before we all came to be friends, we talked about how we became to be friends, we talked about the present, current issues, our lives, friends, friends of friends - the whole idea basically. We even talked about the future, like who'd get married first out of the three of us at the coffee table. 

See, the thing about us three is that we are somewhat the same people. We share the same thoughts and ideas and yet we're completely different people. It's a bit of both really. So when the conversation about 'love' popped up on the table, it was funny. Yeah, that's the word I'd use to describe it. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean it's hilarious-comedy-laugh-out-loud funny, it's more like we all know each other too well and yet we still sort of tried to figure each other out. I probably don't make sense right now but it's okay. Haha. Okay, one of my friends is 25 years old this year. He, obviously has more experiences that I and my other friend does. He too, is someone that I look up to, in a lot of different ways. He to me, is like a guardian. A person who would always look out for you and look after you when you really need it, sometimes even when you don't need it. He's always there, if you need guidance and the top thing I respect him the most for is that he never ask for anything back. So, he talked about his past lovers, his past education and how fucked up life can get sometimes for him but knowing what kind of a person he is, he lets it slide past him. That's courage. The kind of courage I would like to have someday. So when the mysterious (or maybe not) question 'who is going to get married first?' came up, he said my other friend would. I should probably introduce their names; Aqilah (the other friend) and Fuad (the 25 year old). Aqilah is like a book character. The kind that isn't exactly the main character but plays an important role in the entire story. Without her in the book, there wouldn't be a story. She's quiet, funny, smart but can also be very foolish sometimes (in a good way) and everything else that is kind and soft in the world. She's never been the kind of person to find 'love' easily or to have a boyfriend but love found her at the most unexpected time with the most unexpected person and that's why we predicted she would be the first to marry. It's funny, right?

To my surprise, I'd actually thought the both of them would say I was next on the list but I was actually last. It sounds sad but it really isn't. "Haziqah, your life is never meant to be lived in just one place". Marriage to me, has always been something that should be based on more than love. Once you're tied, you're signing up for a lifetime of responsibilities and commitments and of course all the adventures you're going to go through with your own family. I'm not saying I don't want that, of course I do, everyone does but.. I guess, the world has so much more for me than settling down so soon. I guess I understand why they said that.. My dad traveled when he was young. He's been to almost literally 90% of the globe. And now he's home, with us, with my mother. Maybe that's sort of the life that I crave for.. I'm kind of hoping that it will be. It makes me both really sad and really happy at the same time. I always talk about hope, and in the most sincerest way possible, they give me hope. 

- J.R.R Tolkien